We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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