Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
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