I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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