i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize