I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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