At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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