thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
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I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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