Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize