I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize