I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
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Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
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She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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