so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
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now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
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When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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