I don't usually arrange sex via text message
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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