I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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