new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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