I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm really busy with my period
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