I faked an abortion last night.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
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we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
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I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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