Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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