i jhust puked up my retainher.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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