Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize