Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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