Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
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No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
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She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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