I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
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Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
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Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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