My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
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Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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