that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
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i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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