There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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