weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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