I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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