1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize