it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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