Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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