i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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