The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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