she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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