You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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