last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
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i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
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I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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