Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize