I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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