My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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