just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
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I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
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Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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