I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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