it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
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We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
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I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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