Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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