Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
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sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
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Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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