My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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