and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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