wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Randomize