using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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