he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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