At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize