Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
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Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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